Christian Woman Turns Atheist After NDE

 A devout Christian woman turns atheist after spending 30 days in a coma. “I was promised butterflies and big pink fluffy clouds by my neuroscientists,” says the woman, “All  the scientists and doctors I  had spoken to in the past guaranteed that I would experience heaven if I went into a deep enough coma.  Turns out they were lying. I may sue.”

The woman, who was asked to remain nameless for fear of attacks from evangelical Christians and her family, has agreed to be interviewed by Thaumaturgical’s  resident atheist in an exclusive interview. For the purposes of this interview we will call the lady Norma Jean. This is her extraordinary story, which is sure to be pooh-poohed by the religious establishment.

The Righteous Atheist:

 Norma Jean, tell us about your experiences.

Norma Jean prefers to remain anonymous

Norma Jean:

As a righteous Christian, I was assured that the stories of heaven were true. I had spoken to numerous neurosurgeons and neuroscientists, and they assured me that the deep coma would produce all the  scientific proof I needed  to continue believing. I researched all the possible ways of inducing a coma, and finally settled on bacterial meningitis is a likely way to produce the necessary experience. It took me some time to find a suitable way of catching this rare disease, but eventually I found a poor family in Mexico willing to give me a blood transfusion from their eldest son who was suffering from the disease. As a good Christian, I was able to pay for the boy’s recuperation and eventual recovery. I was injected with 50 cc of his blood and immediately flown to a hospital in San Diego, where I languished in a coma for 30 days.

The Righteous Atheist:

 And what did you experience?

Norma Jean:

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not a damn thing.  I have lost 30 days of my life and can’t remember a single thing. I am so disappointed to discover that the Christian religion is a total lie and there is no such thing  as heaven, I’ve converted to atheism.

The Righteous Atheist:

Wow! That’s quite a turnaround, are you sure you don’t want to think about this some?

Norma Jean:

No–my mind is made up, after 30 days in a coma, I have all the proof I need at this no such thing as life after death. Surely–if there were a heaven–I would have experienced it while in  this coma. All the evidence I had been given before about  Near Death Experiences, had led me to believe that God always showed himself and offered proof and evidence of heaven.

The Righteous Atheist:

 And–now that you are an atheist–with proof I might add – what do you plan to do with your life?

Norma Jean

Well–as a good righteous Christian, I had always thought that it was wrong to have sex before marriage, as I was never married, I’m still a virgin at 36 years old. So the  very first thing  I am going to do is go out and get laid. To be honest–you’re looking pretty hot – how about we do it now?

The Righteous Atheist:

I’m sorry, but I’m married and us atheists tend not to believe in extramarital sex. Sorry..

Norma Jean:

So everything I’ve heard about atheists is not true? I thought you guys had no morals. Oh well,  I suspect the first thing I should do in that case, is write a book about my experiences  and see if I can’t make some money on Amazon. Paying for that Mexican kid’s recovery and 30 days in a San Diego hospital cost a pretty penny, I can tell you. I look forward to being interviewed again when the book is released. But thank you for giving me an opportunity to share my experience with  your readers, and I hope now–at least some of them–will understand where I’m coming from. My own family would be mortified to discover that I’ve turned atheist, but there’s no denying the facts.  My NDE has proven that heaven does not exist. Trust me–I am at least as disappointed as all of your readers will be, and I know that many Christians  base their own faith on these things being true, so I expect many to de-convert overnight–now that they have the proof.

The Righteous Atheist:

Well–my experience has been that Christians are extremely selective in the proof that they’ll accept, and mass deconversions are highly unlikely, but I wish you well in your journey.  And I hope you get laid  soon.

Interviewers note.

More and more people are coming forward and claiming the NDEs resulted in atheism. Many say that these experiences lead to a richer, more rewarding life.

 
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