1. When she was about 3 we had a cat that had still born kittens. She asked if we could make crosses for them, which I did. As I was making them she asked:
“Aren’t those too small?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Her: “aren’t we going to nail them to them?”
Me: (after several moments silence) “we’re not going to do that”
2. I was tucking in my two year old. He said “Good bye dad.” I said, “No, we say good night.” He said “I know. But this time it’s good bye.”
3. “Go back to sleep, there isn’t anything under your bed”.
“He’s behind you now.”
4. My 3 year old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for a while then turned and looked at me and said, “Daddy it’s a monster…we should bury it.”
5. I was sound asleep, and at around 6am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughters face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, “I want to peel all your skin off”.
6. My toddler went through a phase where she would just constantly say ‘hi’ to things. “Hi hi hi hi hi hi”
One day, it came out sounding more like “Die die die die die”
So I say to her “What’s that you’re saying?”
And she turns to face me and just whispers
7. My kid’s catholic school is over 100 years old. There is a basement under the gym that’s used for storage. I was subbing once and during recess one of the kick balls goes down the stairs. A little girl was standing at the top of the stairs yelling “just throw it up to me”. I went over and asked who she was talking to and she replied “that big man down the stairs” I went down and there was nobody down there and it was the only way in.
I asked some of the other kids if they have seen the man before and they said “yes, but sister told us not to talk to him”. I asked them to describe “sister” and they described a nun and there haven’t been nuns at the school in 40 years.
8. “Mommy look what I learned!”
inserts tongue into mom’s mouth during good night kiss
“I learned it from a movie! It means you love someone!”
Mom calmly gets up without saying a word and walks to her room
9. I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, “Death is the poor man’s doctor.” And that was that.
10. Why are you crying?
What bad man?
“There.” Points behind me at a dark corner of the room
Lamp on bookshelf next to said darkened corner falls off as soon as I turn to look.
She slept in our bed that night.
11. “So I shouldn’t throw him in the fire?”
3 year old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time.
12. Yesterday my 3 year old son told me “today’s [sister’s] birthday!”
I went into labor last night.
13. My niece was sitting on the couch with a weird look on her face. Her mom asked her what she was thinking about, and she said, “I’m imagining the waves of blood rushing over me.”
Turned out they had been at a local science museum with an exhibit on the circulatory system. One of the features was a walk among some giant fake blood vessels, and she was remembering that.
14. Not to me, but to his grandmother.
He was cuddling with her and being very sweet (he was about 3 at the time). He takes her face in his hands, and brings his face close to hers, then tells her that she’s very old, and will die soon.
Then he makes a point of looking at the clock.
15. My youngest (around 5 at the time) once drew a picture of a black monster, looked up at me, and said “He told me to draw this. He’s coming for you. You better hide.”